I’m spending the summer in Seattle to do a research (I mean, a more serious one than this one), and I was really excited about that. Seattle sounds like a great city, I visited it earlier this year with a friend and I only have great memories of amazing places, lakes, mountains, parks, great movie theaters and art galleries, charming cafés…
Then I realized: I don’t know anyone in Seattle.
“Well, it’s a good opportunity to focus on yourself and learn solitudeblablablah…” said a good friend on mine. No way. Seriously people, this is 21st century: the destiny of our generation is to move around the planet, spend a few months in a country and a few weeks in an other… Do you really want to give up on having a social life because of globalization ?
I am going to tell you what this is a good opportunity for : learning how to make friends in a city you just arrived in ! I am going to update this post as I’m learning how to do that, and I’ll be happy to hear about your own ideas. Here are mine, so far:
Background info: I’m French, and I’ve been living in Paris all my life. So when I’m thinking “places to socialize”, I’m thinking “a café”. So my first idea consists in finding a nice café in the city you’re in, sitting there with a book, and wait.
Preparation:
Pick the place carefully. I want to meet people my age (I’m 20), so I decided to go in the University District. You want a café in which people are actually going to spend a little time, to hang out. No the place where people are just grabbing an expresso and running away. How to recognize those places? They have nice chairs, people are reading books or magazines, or are working on their computer, eventually they have nice music on. See? Doesn’t seem that rare, uh?
What you need:
1. A book. Since you’re not going to sit on your chair and smile to random people walking by your table, that would just be weird. You need a little time (make that one hour on the first try?) and a book to kill the time (I know, it doesn’t sound logical, but when you think about it, it’s great just to sit in a café and read a book, so it’s not a giant waste of time). My conclusions so far about the choice of the book is that your best bet is the guide of the city you’re visiting. People might ask you if you’re new in town, if you’re visiting, where you’re from: it’s a good conversation-starter. But you can also use: a good old classic that people have read but not you (in my case, the picture of Dorian Gray), the newspapers, a book with a very self-explanatory title (“Are people in Seattle nice? And How to Meet Them.”), etc.
2. A smily face. Seriously, you’re going to have to smile to people you don’t know, that’s the deal. Afraid to look like a crazy person? Not a chance, unless you really start acting crazy. Here’s my mental technique to check if you’re not insane. So there’s this girl in the café (also works with a guy, fyi), and she looks nice and from the city you just arrived in, and you want to establish a contact. Imagine her being chocked by what you did and telling what happened to one of her friends. “OMG - I was sitting in this café reading the NYTimes and this girl across the room just starred at me and smiled, how weird is that?.” Neh, now you sound just fine and she sounds like someone who need to go out a little more. But if she can say: “OMG - I was sitting in this café reading the NYTimes and this girl across the room asked me four times if I was sure I didn’t want to sit at her table, how weird is that?”. Now it sounds pretty obvious that you crossed the line, right?
3. A vague idea of what you can say if you end up engaging a conversation with someone. Be honest and straightforward! You can say that you just arrived, that you don’t really know where are the cool places in the city (tailor that according to your interests, you can ask for the cool cinemas, the cool theaters, the cool parks, the cool contemporary art museums, cool jazz spots… you get the idea). If you’re worried that the person you’re talking to might think you have a romantic / sexual interest, focus on collective places (ask about museums rather than nice places to have dinner) and say you’re interested in meeting nice groups of people. If the person you just met was really nice… don’t leave the café without taking their contact info! And remember that you’re the newbie, the effort is yours to make, so text, email, whatever but manage to send a message saying that it was nice meeting.
Live coverage: So I tried that yesterday, I found a really nice café in a bookstore, and I met one young guy who was working there and one older woman who was speaking French. Makes me add two remarks to that section: a. Talk to the people who work there! I mean, they’re here all day and have nothing to do. It’s almost their job to talk to you and to make you feel confortable. And it’s quite probable that they know several of their customers so you might end up meeting several people quite easily. b. If you’re a foreign country, find a place that’s related to your home country: a French café, a Chinese museum, an Australian movie theater, etc. That’s very effective!
What’s the “2.0. Way of meeting new people in a city where you don’t know anyone”? Well, it’s all about using social media in an efficient way.
I just wrote “Social Media”, you just read “Facebook” - no? I’m not sure Facebook is the best way to go. What are you going to do? Type in “Seattle” in the searchbar and look at the billion people that appear, trying to select the ones who look nice and then shoot them random emails saying “Hey! You look kinda nice. I’m in your city.”?
I mean, there’s certainly something you can do with your Facebook socialnetwork: update your status to ask your friends if they know anyone in the city you just arrived in. If they do, that’s a great way to meet people. You contact your friend’s friend and you go grab a drink with them, and meet their friends.
Live coverage: Yeah, that’s quite effective. Met someone really nice like that.
But that’s pretty much everything Facebook can do for you, so let’s switch to another social media platform that will be more effective in this situation: Meetup.
Meetup focuses on making people meet IRL ( = In Real Life. Three letters very “2.0.”) rather than just putting them in contact so that they can exchange emails or poke each others. How does it work? Well, people create groups of specific interest that meet in specific locations. You go on the website, enter your zip code or the name of the city you’re in, enter something you’re interested in and you join the group. Then you wait till the group organizes an event, you show up and you meet people who are in the same city and who have the same interests - wait! wasn’t that exactly what we were trying to do?
Some ideas of topic you can search: groups that relate to a cultural interest (I’m in the “The Seattle Theater Lovers Meetup” and the “Seattle Cinema Club”), language groups (“The Seattle French Conversation Meetup”), international groups (“Global Seattle”), groups aiming at integrating people in the city you just arrived in (“The Seattle New In Town Meetup Group”), political groups (“Seattle Visionaries for a New Democracy”), etc. You can also just put your zipcode and look at the groups around the area. You can end up finding funny groups such as “The Pink Stilettos in Seattle” (1st line of the description: “We are a vibrant group of classy women who enjoy their girlfriends”), very specific groups like “Seattle LinuxChix” (1st line: “Learn about and the how-to with Linux and other Open Source alternatives - this is a group for women of all skill levels to learn about new alternatives in computing. A softer introduction to geeking, linuxchix is a different sort of community.”).
Live Coverage: Have Joined all the groups mentioned above. Quite cool: I could attend one Meetup meeting everyday! Haven’t done it yet though, but will do soon and promise I’ll let you know how it goes. Some groups are “private”, you have to send a message to the admin so that they let you in. Did that twice and it wasn’t a problem, seems that the Meetup community is pretty open.
Other website worth of interest: http://www.couchsurfing.org/
Some of you might know that it’s a website where you go when you want to crash on someone’s couch, but it’s also a really nice community and you can contact people living in your new city and just meet them over a coffee. Remember that if people have a profile on CouchSurfing.org, it’s because they want to meet new people from all around the planet. In a word, they’re just waiting for you around a cup of coffee somewhere.
Live coverage: Two thumbs up for the couchsurfing community. It’s super-easy to find people and to contact them, they answer very quickly, meet up with you and show you their city. Amazing. They also organize collective events: tomorrow, I might go to the weekly couchsurfing happy hour.
Will keep you posted about how it goes and update this post if necessary.
- Camille.
Take-home weblist:
http://www.couchsurfing.org/
http://www.meetup.com/
Bonus Tracks:
Here’s an interview with Scott Heiferman, one of the three guys who founded Meetup:tadam!